


intangible

by ouija



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Canonical Character Death, M/M, Vomiting, its really vague tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-20
Updated: 2014-04-20
Packaged: 2018-01-20 02:23:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1493206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ouija/pseuds/ouija
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>kaworu, shinji thinks, is a whole lot like something intangible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	intangible

kaworu, shinji thinks, is a whole lot like something intangible. big and endless like the dripping, heady blue of a clear night sky after it rains and the various stars that speckle its vastness. he also thinks that he likes this intangibility as much as it terrifies him to the core; makes him quiver in his high-waisted pants and drown in his insecurities. but he always comes back up, and kaworu is always there to wipe away the tears that dribble from his eyes and roll down his cheeks. in those moments kaworu seems infinite, like the numerous lost digits of mathematical symbols and the amount of tears that fall even when shinji thinks the ducts have long since dried and shriveled. kaworu, shinji thinks, again,--this time with a sort of confidence in his thought process and a validation of the previous theories--isn't fair. he's calm and collected when shinji is shrieking in his arms, begging and shaking to and from nothing, _everything_ , or simply made mute and immobile in the face of panic, of fear. the way he can just smile at shinji, unconditionally love him, give him a purpose isn't fair. and the way he can make shinji feel intangible like that heady night sky as he presses feathery kisses on every single star definitely should be illegal.

eventually shinji stops thinking.

and all of the noise around him becomes blood and the ringing of his own voice, hoarse and ragged, in his ears.

he vomits, three times perhaps, and the acidic substance stings at the raw insides of his throat and drips out of his nose and he's still screaming, silently most of the time, but sometimes his voice breaks through and it doesn't sound like him at all.

the tears mix with saliva and vomit and they won't stop, will never stop, are infinite like kaworu had been, and the desire for the tears to be wiped away by that pale, pale hand tears shinji's empty stomach apart.

he's dry heaving and convulsing and his face is soaked and he can't think. wants to think but his mind blacks out and his eyes black out and somewhere, distantly, he feels the wetness of bodily fluids seeping into his clothing.

he swears he sees every single star under his eyelids in that moment.

**Author's Note:**

> fuck this series for making me cry over fourteen year old boys


End file.
